Two Candles On The Door
The story behind Two Candles On The Door is a personal exploration of life after loss, reflecting on the four-year remembrance of my mother’s passing.
Losing a loved one is hard, but losing a mother—someone you have shared life with from the moment you were conceived—is a totally different kind of loss. My mother’s loss hit me hard because it came unexpectedly. Her life and her care were handed over to me with no explanation. I found out the hard way what was going on: her two years in remission had come to an end. She had been trying to stay alive for the past seven months, and now her battle was nearing its conclusion.
Years earlier, after I found out my mom was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a pharmacist told me as I tried to prepare for the journey: “No matter how much you prepare, you will never be ready”. How true those words were.
Two things weighed on me the most. First, if she had said something earlier when the cancer returned, would I have been able to buy her more time by researching the science of our bodies and lifestyle changes she could have implemented instead of her diet and hefty medication regimen?
The other thing that weighed on me heavily until very recently is the fear of dying and leaving my son without his mother. Before my mom passed, I never feared death; it is a part of the cycle of life. But after her loss and the devastation it left me with, it left a different mark.
In December 2024, two and a half years after my mom’s passing, I moved from being angry and devastated to finally accepting everything—including the fact that I couldn’t fix her. I have finally reached a point where I celebrate her life instead of mourning it. The fear of dying too soon still lingers, especially since my son is still young, but like most deep wounds, it takes time to heal
This journey from the “bomb” of devastation in 2022 to the creative peace I found in December 2024 has taught me that while we may never be “ready” for loss, we can eventually learn to cohabitate with the trauma it leaves behind. “Two Candles On The Door” is more than just a song; it is a visual and musical representation of that quiet moment when the “what ifs” finally fade and the warrior’s sword is put away for good. By choosing to celebrate her life through this song, I am transforming those years of anger into a lasting legacy of light. I invite you to stay with me in The Lounge as we continue this exploration of heritage, healing, and the flicker of hope that remains even after the white light fades.
© 2026 Antoinette Robles. All Rights Reserved.